went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
