I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
