I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
