her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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