My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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