How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
