Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
