I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
