Soap is not a condiment
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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