Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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