Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
