I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
vagina is talking i cant
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
