We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
