bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
