People in love make me want to vomit
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
