Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
