so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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