i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
