My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
