I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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