I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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