the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
