she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
