I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
