yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sobbing to NWA
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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