it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
false alarm, still single
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
