Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
