Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
