thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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