I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
