WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
