I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ruined the universe
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
