There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
