You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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