I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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