Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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