i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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