ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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