My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
