There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
