she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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