you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
