This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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