guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
