Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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