I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
