I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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