im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
