you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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