I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
