Cold hands, warm shart.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
