you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
50% drunk capacity currently
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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