Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
